


my soul's on fire

by fereldandoglords



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, F/M, Mass Effect 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 16:23:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11444586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fereldandoglords/pseuds/fereldandoglords
Summary: The moment Shepard realises she has to deal with her feelings for a certain drell squadmate is a difficult one.Just a self-indulgent short thing I wrote. My Shepard needs to relax.





	my soul's on fire

The asari bartender had just dropped off the bottles they had ordered when Celeste lets out a laugh.

“Absolutely not, Vakarian,” she shakes her head, chuckling. “You’re seeing things that aren’t there.”

Garrus lets out a wheezy laugh of his own, which can only mean he’s very, very drunk.

“M’telling you, Shepard,” he insists. His arm is raised high, the turian brandy sloshing in the glass he’s now holding. It spills everywhere, but he doesn’t appear to notice.

“Watch it, big guy,” Celeste jokes, “don’t waste good brandy.”

She feels great – she’s needed to unwind after a particularly challenging week, and she wants to cherish this moment. Getting back into the swing of things has not been without consequences, and a night off is very much what Celeste needs to feel like herself. _Or to try to, anyway_ , she thinks to herself.

“Where did this come from, anyway?” she asks, reaching for the bottle of whiskey that sits on the table between them. “Krios? Please.”

Garrus has always been the observant type. He doesn’t voice it often, but they are at a point in their friendship that he has no qualms saying what is going through his head. A drunken night out at the Citadel is far from the best place to remark such things, but it is now too late to try to stop him. At least they are alone in a booth.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Shepard,” Garrus slurs. “It’s not like it’s stopped you before.”

Celeste glares at him, pretending to be offended.

“That was low, Vakarian,” she replies after a sip of her drink. “I’d say I regret it, but you know what, I really don’t.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Garrus waves his hand, laughing, “I know.”

The smile fades from Celeste’s face. “I sometimes wonder if Liara would’ve done the same thing… would’ve given my body for Cerberus to revive if we hadn’t…”

Garrus shakes his head. “She absolutely would have.”

“You can’t possibly know that,” Celeste squints.

“Yes, I can. I asked her,” he replies, a smug look on his face.

Celeste lets out a gasp.

“You fucking asked Liara if she’d still have tried to save my ass if we hadn’t fucked two years ago?”

“Crudely put as always, Shepard. Yes,” Garrus says, and lifts up his glass.

“Oh, fuck off,” Celeste replies, and as much as she wants to be angry at this intrusion in her sexual endeavours, she can’t help but feel relieved at Garrus’s confession. The guilt she had felt just a couple of weeks ago when she turned down Liara in her cabin still weighs heavily in her gut. She thinks Liara is a lovely woman, she really does, but she doesn’t want to lead her on and make promises she doesn’t intend to keep. Liara doesn’t deserve that.

Celeste sighs, and absentmindedly takes the glass of whiskey to her lips again. She can feel Garrus’s eyes on her.

“She doesn’t resent you, you know,” Garrus reassures her, his joking tone now completely gone. “She just wants you to be happy.”

“I… thanks, Vakarian,” Celeste mumbles, and takes another sip of her drink. Drowning her guilt will have to do for now.

“But anyway,” Garrus starts, and Celeste groans before he even completes his sentence.

“No,” Celeste exclaims. “Just… no.”

Garrus lets out another wheezy laugh.

“What are you so afraid of, Shepard?”

She gulps down the remainder of her drink, and takes a moment to gather her thoughts before replying.

“I was going to tell you that I’m not afraid, but that’d be a fucking lie and we both know it, Vakarian. You know me too well by now.”

Garrus nods, all his attention focused on her, and all jokes forgotten. She continues.

“He’s going to die, Garrus. It was literally one of the first things he said to me, to us,” she says, her voice packed with emotion she hadn’t realised she had been holding back. “On a scale of one to ten, how ridiculous is it that the first person that I’m interested in after coming back from the dead is a dying man?”

Garrus clicks his mandibles, thinking.

“I suck at this, but,” he says, more to himself than to her, and gently pats her unarmoured shoulder, “if you have a shot at happiness, no matter what, shouldn’t you take it?”

“Damn, Vakarian, I didn’t think of you as such a romantic,” she giggles in reply. She thinks for a few seconds before continuing.

“I don’t know what this is it, yet,” she says, carefully measuring her words. “This is the first time I’m even considering doing something about it.”

This is a lie, of course. She’s considered speaking to Krios many times before. She had been captivated by him the second she put eyes on him, after all. However, she decides to keep that to herself. She doesn’t want to add more fuel to the fire that is Garrus’s observations.

“You never hesitate, Shepard,” Garrus adds, “and there’s no reason for you to start now. The worst that can come out of it is nothing happening. You’re professional enough to just move forward if nothing happens.”

Celeste nods, and she leans forward to pick up the whiskey bottle again. She then groans in disapproval when she realises said bottle is empty.

“This is no fun,” she says. “However, I think I’ll take this next one to go.”

Garrus laughs, and finishes his drink. He gets up, takes the unopened turian brandy, and tucks it under his arm. He slowly sways in place when he tries to move away from the booth.

“You alright there, Vakarian?” Celeste gets up as well, only slightly affected by the entire bottle she had drank over the course of the evening. She feels a little lightheaded, but that’s it. Being cybernetically augmented has its perks.

“Fine, fine,” he slurs his speech. “Don’t worry. Normandy?”

“Yeah,” she replies, now feeling more motivated than ever, despite the anxiety she feels at the prospect of doing something about _this_.

“I’m paying this time, Shepard,” Garrus says, taking out his credit chit with some difficulty. “Next one’s on you, though.”

“Thanks, Vakarian,” she says, sliding her own chit back into her pocket.

She hopes he understands her thanks extends to more than just the act of paying for the outing.

* 

She rubs her face with determination before finishing her second bottle of whiskey, downing it and putting it down on the desk with a loud _clank_.

She hopes it’s not too late in the ship’s night cycle and that she didn’t blow her chance.

“EDI,” she asks, loud and clear, “can you tell me if Krios is awake and where he’s at?”

“Mr. Krios is in his quarters, Shepard,” EDI’s voice comes through the speakers of the cabin. “He’s awake.”

“Thanks, EDI,” Celeste replies. “Inform him I’m on way and that I’d like to talk to him.”

With one final deep breath, she makes her way to Thane’s quarters, praying to a god she doesn’t believe in, and Garrus’s words echoing in her head.

_You never hesitate, Shepard, and there’s no reason for you to start now._

“He’s damn right,” she whispers to herself, as the elevator dings as it reaches its destination.

_I can do this._

**Author's Note:**

> This was beta'd by my wonderful sister [blueblack-poked-stars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/delicate_mageflower/pseuds/blueblack-poked-stars).
> 
> Title is from [Higher Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sG0-mrYG4uE), by Depeche Mode.


End file.
